Wet Harp

I cry before I sleep.
But do the angels hear me weep?
I hope so,
But must fear not.
To think –
Their ears are all I’ve sought.

Hoffman

There are things I do not know -
Is it obvious?
The Bible never told me so.

And it’s not that I’m a slow reader -
I’m not!  I have read some lengthy prints,
I have been through lengthy stints
Of continued education.
But now I question, just one question:
Is it mental masturbation?
And have I learned at all. 

Because I can tell you about Kings,
And lots of other worldly things.
Did you know Chester Arthur changed his pants seven times a day?
You probably didn’t – and you shouldn’t,
And if you were truly bright you wouldn’t
Waste your time with such trivialities so you can boldly say,
“Did you know…”
“Did you know?…”
“Did you know?!…”

And perhaps you did! Congratulations, I wish you all the best,
Hoping someone, anyone, will find greater use for such great fact.
But do you know how to hold a woman?
Do you know how to kill a man,
Should the time arise
And you lock eyes
With a villain in the flesh – and you have a stainless knife.
A timid looking wife.
Those ideas didn’t come out of a book – you can try and look
But they came out of your mind.
You made them up.
I made them up.
Did you know?

Dali

Tick-tock, says the clock, as though anyone else would,
Dare to be so bold.
Recently, I have been told,
This is where the great commanders stood,
When they shook hands to end the battle – rightly so,
But did a clock ever tell them, “It’s time to go,”
I hope not. 
But there were no latte machines in Appommatox Courthouse.

With every tick, I loose a hair. 
And with the tock – well, do I dare
To think about what my body’s doing at this moment?
It’s chilling, but I’m willing
To assume that I have time to sit and think about such things,
Without a taser to my neck,
After all, it’s just a speck,
This time, this tiny feather on the larger span of endless wings.

And I wonder when I’ll get the veins. 
You know the veins?  I’m sure you do.
The strange roadmaps on the canvass of the elderly.
They’re blue.

But thinking back, had the great leaders had a cup of latte froth,
And a stopwatch in their pocket that also received calls,
Would we have fought for slaves at all?
Or would we have surrendered all our lands to Visigoths,
The last of heathens.
The last barbarians.
You may be surprised to know that they had froth,
White and foamy, as you’d expect
Not to be lost in ancient dialects,
It came from their mouths.
It’s true.

Cain and the Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

And the Lord said to Cain, unbeknown to the rest,
“Dear son, it’s the big guy, as if you couldn’t have guessed.
I just thought I’d tell you, it’s worthless you know,
Abel’s hands offer life, and yours have nothing to show.”

He continued, quite fiercely, while Cain listened in shock.
“I care nothing for veggies, but as for his flock,
I accept without question his offers of grace,
And in this contest of two, you receive last place.”

Well Cain became angry, as I imagine you would,
He was the doing the best that he very well could!
And according to scripture, the Lord said, “Chill out.”
“I don’t know what all of this shit is about.”

It’s reported to Cain that sin waits at his door,
“But you must fight it off, albeit a chore,”
Says the Lord who knows nothing of pain, guilt, or sin,
But lounges in his recliner, sipping a glass of gin.

Cain collected his thoughts, and collected his brother,
And set out to ruin the good times, just like mother.
“Follow me to the field,” said the wild-eyed, hunched Cain,
The Hitchcock-like ending, where young Abel was slain.

Well, God just about spilled his full glass of spirit,
For in the chain of command, he was the first to hear it.
And he parted the clouds, looking down to find Cain,
Washing his hands in a basin that had been filled with rain.

“How dare you!” he boomed, and the entire earth shook,
Or, at least that’s the way it happened in the book.
But Cain slowly turned, looking into God’s ray,
And gave him the finger, and went on with his day.

And the Oscar Goes To…

It’s Oscar season.  This is a season I wait for more anxiously than Christmas.  The best movies of the year, in competition.  But more important than the movies themselves are the actors involved.  Directors?  Forget about it.  It’s all about the leading males. 

So before they announce a winner for this year, I went about ranking the last 21 winners, from my least favorites, to the pinnacles of performance. 

21. Nicholas Cage – ‘Leaving Las Vegas’:
Cage is one of the worst actors in Hollywood, and I don’t care what anyone has to say about it.  He and Keanu Reeves together couldn’t act their way our of a paper bag.  He played a man trying to drink himself to death in this film, a premise I enjoy, but he is such a stone, it was worthless.  He’s related to Francis Ford Coppolla, which is the only reason he gets ANY roles.

20.  Adrian Brody – ‘The Pianist’:
It’s not that the performance was poor.  As a matter of fact, it was very fine.  However, one must consider his competition.  In winning this Oscar, he beat out DANIEL DAY-LEWIS, THE GREATEST ACTOR OF ALL TIME IN ONE OF HIS BEST PERFORMANCES FOR GANGS OF NEW YORK.  Plus, ‘The Pianist’ was boring.  Enough Holocaust for me.  Ahem…

19.  Roberto Benigni – ‘Life is Beautiful’
Again, the performance was not a bad one.  However, if you have seen Benigni in anything else, you would realize this wasn’t acting.  It was Benigni.  Plus, he beat Hanks, who was up for his 3^rd Oscar for ‘Saving Private Ryan,’ and Edward Norton for ‘American History X.’

18. Jack Nicholson – ‘As Good As It Gets’
Not only was this movie a complete bore, (a romantic comedy that lacks originality, or young, attractive, naked women,) but Jack Nicholson LITERALLY played Jack Nicholson.  An older man who picks up younger women, and always wears sunglasses.  However, the competition was weak, (a return for Peter Fonda, and Robert Duvall in something boring.)

17. Jamie Foxx – “Ray”
Thus begins the Oscar soft spot: disability.  Although Cage was technically disabled in ‘Leaving Las Vegas’, (alcoholism,) he very possibly might have been actually drunk while filming.  Playing Ray Charles, Foxx was impressive in his singing and acting, but generally biopics are too sentimental. (Still better than the sequel: ‘Walk the Line.’)

16. Denzel Washington – “Training Day”
It was deemed the year of the ‘black Oscars,’ and Denzel took top prize.  His performance was pretty good, no complaints there, but the movie itself was a fairly cookie cutter print.  Denzel rarely gives a bad performance, but I have liked him in other roles much more, and thought this one was pretty standard.  I was moderately shocked to see him snubbed last year for a nomination for ‘American Gangster.’

15.  Dustin Hoffman – “Rain Man”
I have never been a big fan of this movie.  I understand the message, and I thought Tom Cruise did a fine job as his brother, but Dustin Hoffman has done much, much better.  He already has an Oscar win for ‘Kramer vs. Kramer,’ (another movie that left a bad taste in my mouth,) and didn’t pick up the Oscar for what I feel was his best performance, as Ratso Rizzo in ‘Midnight Cowboy.’  The Oscars have a tendency to make up for past failings, (i.e. Scorsese for ‘The Departed’ after his 3 best films did not pick up the win, ‘Taxi Driver’, ‘Raging Bull’, and ‘Goodfellas’.)

14.  Jeremy Irons – “Reversal of Fortune”
Irons plays a husband charged with the murder of his wife in a very well-written film.  This, however, is the only film on this list which I have seen only once, but I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it.  Irons is a classically trained actor, but always tends to play such stiffs.  He is extremely talented, and completely deserving of ANY award he receives.

13. Al Pacino – “Scent of a Woman”
Pacino has given some fine performances.  From ‘The Godfather’ to ‘Serpico’, ‘Dog Day Afternoon’ to ‘The Devil’s Advocate’.  But ‘Scent of a Woman’ picked him up an Oscar, while providing the now trademark Al Pacino impression: “Hoohah!”  Ex-marine, now blind, helps a young man come of age while suffering from his own bout of severe depression.  Fine, fine.  He really didn’t deliver the amount of emotion I’m accustomed to, considering Pacino.

12. Tom Hanks – “Forrest Gump”
Scoffed at by many film critics, and deep thinkers, I happen to be a big fan of  this movie.  But how Tom Hanks was catapulted into stardom after a career in films like ‘The Money Pit,” and ‘Joe vs. the Volcano’ I’ll never know.  But he caught his big break from ‘Philadelphia’ and cashed in.  His acting was fine, (for a disabled character, giving you a lot of room for creativity.)

11.  Daniel Day-Lewis – “My Left Foot”
As Christy Brown, a real life palsy victim who has only the use of his left foot, Lewis put in one of the most demanding performances ever witnessed.  A dedicated method actor, Day-Lewis stayed in character on and off the set, and broke several of his ribs from being hunched over in a wheelchair for so long.  His performance was completely believable, but because his character lacked a lot of ability for dialogue, I lowered him on the list.  Because we all know Day-Lewis is the greatest actor of all time.

10. Tom Hanks – ‘Philadelphia’
Along with Day-Lewis, as the only actors featured twice on this list, Hanks first won for his role as a gay AIDS victim fighting his former law firm for terminating him.  It was a compelling film, Denzel Washington did a great job as his lawyer, and Hanks gave, in my opinion, his finest performance, (and a hell of a lot better than ‘You’ve Got Mail.’)  Fully deserving of the Oscar for this one.

9. Sean Penn – “Mystic River”
Mystic River is one of those movies I feel is severely overrated.  Tim Robbins picked up the best supporting Oscar for this film as well, (in a performance I thought was over the top.) Penn played his childhood friend who grows up to be a mob-boss, trying to find out who murdered his daughter.  He gave a very good conflicting performance, (even if I think he is a pompous ass.)  In current events news: (I believe Penn will win this year for ‘Milk’ although I am rooting for Mickey Rourke’s role in ‘The Wrestler.’)

8. Russell Crowe – “Gladiator”
He should have won for “The Insider.”  He should have won for “A Beautiful Mind.” But he didn’t.  Instead, he won for “Gladiator” which is another film that didn’t live up to the hype for me.  Crowe was very good as the lead, and convincing at that.  However, the two aforementioned films were all around much better pictures, and gave Crowe more room to expand his prowess as an actor.  Still a great job.

7.  Geoffrey Rush – “Shine”
Playing a former piano genius who has a mental breakdown in his youth, Rush provides a touching portrait of a man completely blissful in ignorance.  Although this is another role based on disability, Rush gives something to the character that few could: humbleness.  Rush is not traditionally a leading man, but more of a character actor, which serves him well for this.

6. Phillip Seymour Hoffman – “Capote”
Just like Rush before him, Hoffman was always a character actor.  He was great in two P.T. Anderson films, ‘Boogie Nights’ and ‘Magnolia,’ and has always given memorable performances in almost all his films, (i.e. ‘Cold Mountain.’) ‘Capote’ was a great tribute to Truman Capote, and Hoffman was nearly flawless.  More importantly, it has allowed Hoffman to take the reigns as a leading man, and a well-known figure.  (Nominated this year for ‘Doubt’.)

5. Anthony Hopkins – “Silence of the Lambs”
In a movie that lasted over two hours, Anthony Hopkins is present for less than thirty minutes of them.  As a matter of fact, he’s not even the bad guy.  He does, however, give an outstanding performance as the genius cannibal, Hannibal Lector.  He completely steals every scene from Jodie Foster, and provides a number of very memorable moments, including descriptions of cannibalism, incest, murder, and fine wine. 

4.  Forrest Whitaker – “The Last King of Scotland”
Someone made the argument to me once that Whitaker was not even the lead in this movie, and therefore did not deserve the award.  But as mentioned with our last winner, the amount of screen time does not dictate whether or not you are the center of attention.  Whitaker is magnificent as the former dictator of Uganda, Idi Amin.  It was a break I was happy to see Whitaker finally get, after seeing him play football players and thieves for too long.

3. Michael Douglass – “Wall Street”
This might be the finest portrayal of a realistic villain ever given.  As Wall Street power-player Gordon Gekko, Douglass is able to not only put a face on the corruption often associated with big-money firms, but also give it some balls.  Released in the hey-day of director Oliver Stone’s career, ‘Wall Street’ is a fantastic film with in-depth characters, and maybe the catch-phrase of the 1980’s: “Greed…is good.”

2. Daniel Day-Lewis – “There Will Be Blood”
I have a well known infatuation with Daniel Day-Lewis.  He is the greatest actor of all time, hands down, in my opinion.  The knowledge he brings to every role, and the dedication to his craft, are peerless.  As a matter of fact, as Daniel Plainview, he IS the movie.  P.T. Anderson rewrote the Upton Sinclair classic “Oil!” and basically tore it apart.  But in the process, he made a three-hour documentary about early 20^th century oil industry, with one of the finest performances of conflicted drama ever witnessed.  He is evil.  Or is he?  I don’t know.  What I do know is that if Daniel Day-Lewis is sporting a mustache in his role, it is going to be something to see.  Dammit.

1. Kevin Spacey – American Beauty
As much as I love Daniel, Spacey knocked this movie out of the park.  Playing a passive husband and father who finally breaks out of his shell, Spacey performs not only a dramatically poignant piece, but a comical one as well.   Kevin Spacey is one of the few actors I will almost always respect, regardless of pitfalls and poor decisions, because of two or three roles that blow most competition out of the water.  Between this and ‘The Usual Suspects,’ Spacey has made himself the go-to-guy for smarmy middle-aged men. 

There are really only three performances in this span that I believe could have, and should have, beaten the actual winner. 

3. Bill Murray – “Lost In Translation”
He lost to Sean Penn for Mystic River, but despite not having an actual storyline, Bill Murray was fantastic, and has continued to be, in his shot at a dramatic career.  I was not only impressed, but moved.
2. Woody Harrelson – “The People Vs. Larry Flint”
I love Geoffrey Rush in “Shine,” but Harrelson was tight and incredible as porno mogul Larry Flint.  Not to mention, this is the only thing Courtney Love ever touched that was worth a damn.
1. Daniel Day-Lewis – “Gangs of New York”
How this lost to…Adrian Brody…for the “Pianist” I will never know.  This portrayal was flawless.  Intense.  Beautiful.  Sharing a lead with Leonardo DiCaprio, you’d forget Leo was even in the movie.  But Day-Lewis was breathtaking as the gang leader Bill ‘The Butcher’ Cutting, and has been the basis for my entire appreciation for character acting.  The Academy should be ashamed.

And finally, this year’s nominees.

Brad Pitt – “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
Sean Penn – “Milk”
Frank Langella – “Frost/Nixon”
Richard Jenkins – “The Visitor”
Mickey Rourke – “The Wrestler”

I am rooting for Rourke, with a second place hope for Langella or Jenkins, two actors who have been great for a long time with little to show for it.  But inside my heart, and in light of the political season we just got out of, I think Penn will take it for Harvey Milk.

Watch the Oscars.  Please.