Space: The Final Frontier or a Giant Communistic Hoax Installed By a Hoard of Soulless Earth-Lizards, (Some of Which May Or May Not Be Robots.)
The arrogance of science is astounding. A few “educated” individuals petition the government for millions of dollars in research grants, poke a few rats with ice picks and electric sticks, then reemerge months later with a detailed survey on the density of bear scat. I’m not buying it. And while I won’t go so far as to say science is a myth, (yet,) I am well aware of a plot to undermine the intelligence of the human mind. That plot is called “outer space,” and it doesn’t exist.
Then what is the sun? And what are the stars? And what about the years of data collected that suggests an endless track of matter beyond the crumb of Earth? Cruel and heartless lies, my lovelies.
It is a widely known fact that Galileo was an acid fiend whose mind finally expanded to the point of collapse. He conjured up a story about the “sun” and the “planets” while six hours into a marathon of Syd Barrett’s “The Madcap Laughs,” sitting up in his Castle Dracula made of sandstone and shame, and you know what happened to him? He went to prison for that psychobabble bullshit. The Catholic Church may have its particular downfalls, but gullibility toward “outer space” is not one of them.
And Stephen Hawking? A drunk and reckless gambler, now suffering for his vices. Back in the mid-60s, Hawking had cheated his way through a series of Atlantic City casinos, accumulating some big wins, but even bigger suspicions. After he was discovered counting cards at the Shang Dios, he was taken out back and beaten within an inch of his life by the Mafioso-rumored Lenny “The Jewfox” Tortello. Feel free to look up his credentials – they are fabricated. A con man, even in paralysis, Hawking now claims to be a theoretical physicist and “cosmologist,” which last time I checked, has nothing to do with space. I’ve read Cosmo, Stephen. It’s all about makeup and thongs.
And even now that we know the greatest minds behind space were demented sociopaths, why are we still inclined to believe in it? Because we can see it? Again, the explanation behind the appearance of space is very simple.
In 1938, the Works Projects Administration, under the thumb of Franklin Roosevelt, commissioned a top-secret diorama to be placed above the earth. All workers were required to have no family ties or people skills. The majority of the applicants were Communistic artists. After four years, the project was completed, and while beautiful and complex in design, it has become the single largest collective governmental scam ever perpetrated. All participants were immediately killed upon completion. The rest of the globe soon followed suit in construction. (Note: The atomic bombs dropped over Hiroshima and Nagasaki were actually in response to their refusal to build the mythical sky-project. It took seven years longer for Japan to build and recognize “outer space,” though most studies now suggest they are among the firmest believers in the stars.)
But “outer space” has had an even larger significance in political structure. Following World War II, the American governmental theme was “anti-communism,” a fear instigated by Joseph Stalin’s infamous “mind-beam,” which projected pornographic images of Stalin with starfish or seahorses into the minds of Pentagon employees. Joseph McCarthy had a direct line to Stalin’s third chamber of mental ecstasy, which largely revolved around his own mustache. And while Dwight Eisenhower was busy dragging his dipstick across the Korean landscape, the Democrats were occupied with creating John F. Kennedy, a high-level artificial intelligence experiment with impeccable hair and “Hah-Vahd Chahhm.”
As witnessed during the FDR administration’s wildly successful “30 Years of Sodom,” the Democratic Party is one based in socialistic roots. These roots continue today, woven through the Kenyan frame of one Barack Obama, who was stolen from his bamboo cradle by Adlai Stevenson, circa ’64. But the Kennedy administration had ideals to become the greatest communistic entity in world history – if it weren’t for the Russian dynasty. And while the guise appeared to be an anti-Communist takeover of the Eastern-European landmass, the truth was far more indecent: Communist World Rule. What does this have to do with outer space?
NASA was created as a mere spectacle for U.S. imperial distraction. The “space race” was a mutual agreement between the American allegiance and the Russian cesspool to keep the true shit-stained banana-hammocks of war under wraps. “Look America,” Kennedy would often say, flashing binary codes to American submarines in the South Pacific. “Don’t you remember space? Isn’t it neat? There’s a moon and stars and everything!” And the American people would spend all of their time gazing into the sky as opposed to holding their socialistic God-hating government accountable for their sins.
The first moon landing was a hoax, plain and simple. Everyone knows that, and if you don’t, enlightenment is a Google search away. Neil Armstrong was a car salesman from Ohio, and Buzz Aldrin lived in a wooden cabin in Appalachia, never having completed a 2nd Grade education. The government paid them in Grade A brown eggs and Pabst Blue Ribbon for their injustices to humanity as part of the world’s largest sham. All subsequent space missions have likewise been manufactured and are noticeably more convincing due to advancements in entertainment technology, i.e. green screens, light sabers and the Death Star.
Aliens are also fictional, both intergalactic and foreign. The intergalactic aliens, obviously, are products of untamed childhood epilepsy. The foreign aliens are the key to the communistic takeover of Austin, Texas, the last fort of Republican optimism in the Southern United States. All reports of alien interaction are self-conscious lies, most likely in response to loss of elasticity to the human sphincter, undoubtedly through homosexual or immoral Sodom-based activities, (citation needed.) Senator Orin Hatch is not an alien. He is a Mormon, which is a very close relative in the helpless minds of epileptic toddlers.
And yet, here we sit, nearly completely unaware of the propaganda star-wall that has been stationed above us. There is a general assumption that the sun and sky have been there forever. This is fundamentally incorrect, and can be disproven with one term that should make everyone ashamed for not considering it: The Dark Ages. It was dark because FDR hadn’t installed the sun yet and hired all of those pinko-Commie artists to start the Renaissance under the New Deal. See how the puzzle comes together?
Space is not the final frontier. The bottom of the ocean is the final frontier, but the government is too afraid of giant squids and fish with lights on their heads to attack the Mariana Trench, (a reasonable explanation for why Atlantis has not yet been found, [citation needed.]) Even President Bush, well versed in the lies of the star-wall thanks to his father’s CIA history and sloppy organization of personal files, played the NASA card during the Iraq War. Unfortunately, his distraction tactic did not work, and ultimately backfired, leading to the inevitable election of a Muslim terrorist tea-bagging hacker clone abusive boyfriend single mother cocaine addict sexual deviant lawyer draft dodger gun waving maniacal body suit gimp in a cheap suit from Joseph A. Banks. And he was black, which is an eerily advanced step in the history of communism – (White Stalin to Hispanic Castro to Black Obama – where do we go from here? Hell. [citation needed.] – [contradictory footnote: intuition]
And what can we do about “outer space?” Can we destroy it? Absolutely not. The revolution against the evil star-wall would be ugly and futile, as it is protected by Chinese super computers and migrant field workers. No, we, the truly educated, must wait this one out. For when the diorama begins to crumble, and the chicken-faced Congressmen in Washington begin to squak about the falling sky, we will have our last laugh. A final hearty laugh before we crawl into Mt. St. Helens and await the Rapture. The scientists shall inherit the earth.
