Dig Your Graves Now, Liberal Nation! We Are Swine That Cannot Be Harvested For Meat!

Do you remember all the left wing blowhards that came out after September 11^th and claimed it was all an intricate plot by the U.S. government to gain sympathy for a full-scale attack on the Middle East?  The hullabaloo over films like Loose Change and Zeitgeist?  Sometimes I’d like to forget.  Did you know there are people out there who think that Pearl Harbor was a similar situation, allowed to happen for the sake of solidifying support for U.S. involvement in World War II?   For years I’ve had liberal nutjobs breathing down my neck about everything from the JFK assassination to the idea that America actually caused the great Asian Tsunami a few years back.  Most would agree that these proposals are filled with holes and faulty logic, and I’ve never attached myself to anything of the sort.  But after a while, you have to rock the boat.

Speaking of conspiracy theorists, it was just last week that James Von Braun shot up the Holocaust Museum in D.C., voicing a significant stance of defiance against the well-documented tragedy of the Holocaust.  Von Braun is well into his late eighties, prompting lefty commentator Bill Maher to remark, “New Rule: You can’t call someone a neo-Nazi if they are older than the Nazi-Nazis.”  And indeed, it seems a bit more than strange to think that this elderly bigot was planning to target not only the Holocaust Museum, but a number of other Washington D.C. locations, as well as Fox News headquarters.  And to be honest, after years of scrutiny, I imagine Fox News would have been the most well prepared for the situation. 

But even more bizarre about his quest, including his apparent disgust for Roger Ailes’s Fox News, is the fact that Von Braun is about as far right as you can get on the political compass.  He blogged about his hate for civil rights and the equality of the races, and a number of other more mundane topics that would make my blog look like Disney World in print.   But the Nazis are a fundamentally right wing group, full of absurd claims that rival every bit of insanity that Socialism would dare to bring about.  Yes, it might seem far-fetched to some, but the Nazi ideology would be a threat to President Obama and his radical policies of uber-nationalization. 

Let’s look back further, to just around two weeks ago when abortion provider George Tiller was gunned down in front of his church.  The motive was very clear: pro-life advocates were fed up with the idea of the most extreme of Bible-based sins, late term abortions, and they were going to put a stop to it.  At this point, there are only a handful of professionals willing to perform the procedure, making it one of the most dangerous professions in the country.  Regardless of your beliefs about abortion or the like, most would agree that the actions carried out were beyond extreme, and dripping with irrationality.  Death on top of “death,” (the quotations placed in respect for my own beliefs on the topic,) brings a familiar quotation to mind: An eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind.

But to provide a more intimate and realistic quotation, straight from my facebook feed directly after the murder, “I’m sorry George Tiller, but you had it coming.”

To branch off into a tangent for just a moment, I want to say something directly from the heart, (a place that has been neglected in most of my writing, and one I promise to avoid for the rest of this piece.)  No one should ever protest a funeral.  In the name of your God, in the name of your country even, no one should ever physically protest a funeral.  Even surrounding the topic of murder or rape, my position remains the same.  A human being has died, for better or worse, and can we as a people not respect their dismissal from earth?  They are not here to witness your upset, nor is your protest seen as a shining beacon of truth.  Those who desecrate the grave sites of both saints and sinners deserve nothing less than shame themselves.  Mother Theresa nor Hitler should ever be lowered into the ground in front of a crowd seething with anger.  They have left this world.  Why would you dare to elongate the process?

Having realized the increasing length of this spiel, allow me to quickly cut to the chase: There was a shooter in New York just a couple months ago who picked off 13 victims in a matter of minutes.  The shooter killed himself, so his intentions were never fully realized, but several columnists and bloggers came out with a similar theory: the man was so upset by the idea that gay marriage had been legalized in Iowa that he went on self-destructive rampage of bigotry.  And to go even further, several suggested that the election of Barack Obama as President had triggered some kind of gun scare.  Basically, the election of a liberal president frightened gun owners, believing he would attempt to revoke their right to bare arms, and caused a frenzy of trigger-happy Constitutionalists.  To preserve their 2^nd Amendment Rights, people would be using their guns more often than ever – even to commit heinous acts.  Now what point these right-wing writers were trying to present had initially been lost in a dizzying fog, but I’m beginning to connect some comically conspiratorial dots.  It was all a warning.

Holocaust Museum Shooter: Neo-Nazi against Civil Rights, as well as belief in the Holocaust, (a liberal Jewish myth.)
Abortion Doctor Shooter: Far-right religious fanatic taking a vigilante stance against the sin of abortion.
New York Shooter Justification: Anti-gay marriage and protection of 2^nd Amendment principles. 

Is anyone else seeing a pattern of far-right hate? 

The Conspiracy Theory: The American far-right is planning an ultimatum – dispose of this liberal government or people are going to die. 

Is that crazy enough for you?  To suggest that a party that can’t even decide what positions they are for or against could be involved in the organization of a national conspiracy?  May I remind you that none of us have given Bush enough credit as a political mastermind.  But all the setup is there, if not structured at all by conventional party doctrine.  To begin the Republican Revolution would be very simple, and would most likely begin with a speech from former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, (a slimy amphibian of a name for a slimy amphibian of a politician):

“My friends – we are all proud Americans.  Proud to serve our country in times of need and proud to protect our country in the wake of a threat to our freedoms.  And for far too long now, our nation has been under attack from the liberal agenda and the Socialist ideology that has plagued our recent misfortunes.  America has spoken out, in a sincere moment of revolution, and lives have been lost in response to the tyranny of a Democratic government.  Can we as a nation cast our political differences aside and embrace a simple truth: only one party can keep this country safe.  Only one party can protect our people with certainty and unrivaled power.  This is the time for a Republican movement – a movement created for the safety of our citizens – to end this uprising of violence.  It is plain to see that a Democratic government promotes nothing but unfortunate death, and in order for these tragedies to stop, we must bring back our Republican house.  We must bring back our Republican Senate.  And we must bring back a God-fearing President, a conservative of moral fiber, who will lead us back into the shining light of God, and away from the disgusting reign of liberal insanity that will forever be seen as an oil slick in the annals of time.  God bless America, and God bless our troops.”

Because in order for any speech to be credible, you have to bless the troops – God forbid you not do so, you are a commie, a killer, a swine.  And the chants of “Heil Gingrich” will be heard across the land, and Sarah Palin will rise again as the charismatic leader of the Republican nation, accompanied by any number of well-dressed zombies, from Eric Cantor to Bobby Jindal.  Mitt Romney’s a Mormon, such an unfortunate thing to be in the middle of a Christian theocracy, and will immediately be trampled in the great Revolution Riots of 2012, perhaps by Mike Huckabee himself, who very well might become the next chief of this great land, under the close and personal guidance of Jesus Christ.  Yes, I can see it all now. 

And the liberals will be herded up like cattle and sent to the Gulags of Colorado and Montana.  They must be exterminated to prevent further travesties!  The ghost of Hubert Humphrey will try and comfort the weary prisoners, but it is no use, because the liberal species has always been a spineless one, and Humphrey’s hulking frame casts nothing but a dismal shadow on the entire lot.  The only benefit to being spineless is that the opposition realizes you are no good for physical labor, so you will be put out of your misery immediately.  A whole colony of starving Socialist dogs. 

Have I made it far-fetched enough?

Obviously, the idea of a neo-con takeover shouldn’t scare any one quite yet, but as usual, my actual point is hidden somewhere in a mess of sarcasm and self-important rhetoric.  There IS a rush of conservative violence, and there IS a need to bring this idea to the forefront before it gets out of hand.  It truly isn’t a partisan issue, but rather a humanitarian one, and perhaps even a practical suggestion.  Violence in this arena is not justified, especially considering the usual presentation of a tolerant God.  People cannot take things into their own hands for the “sake of humanity.”  The same goes for the liberal eco-terrorists, destroying people’s livelihoods for the salvation of the environment.  The side is not important.  As my government teacher Mr. Remmers once perfectly commented, Al Queda are extremists of Islam – a religion that has been vilified in recent years by the Western world.  The Ku Klux Klan are religious extremists as well – of Christianity. 

One more little (ha) article about tolerance.  One more reaching grasp for a better world, or at least a better circle of readership.  And if last week’s stinging comment means anything, (“Dear Alex Denison.  You are a faggot,”) it promises that I won’t be shutting up any time soon.  Just one more thing Joe Biden and I share, (besides a loving relationship) – we can never manage to keep our mouths shut.

Alex Denison, Ph.D.