Hoffman

There are things I do not know -
Is it obvious?
The Bible never told me so.

And it’s not that I’m a slow reader -
I’m not!  I have read some lengthy prints,
I have been through lengthy stints
Of continued education.
But now I question, just one question:
Is it mental masturbation?
And have I learned at all. 

Because I can tell you about Kings,
And lots of other worldly things.
Did you know Chester Arthur changed his pants seven times a day?
You probably didn’t – and you shouldn’t,
And if you were truly bright you wouldn’t
Waste your time with such trivialities so you can boldly say,
“Did you know…”
“Did you know?…”
“Did you know?!…”

And perhaps you did! Congratulations, I wish you all the best,
Hoping someone, anyone, will find greater use for such great fact.
But do you know how to hold a woman?
Do you know how to kill a man,
Should the time arise
And you lock eyes
With a villain in the flesh – and you have a stainless knife.
A timid looking wife.
Those ideas didn’t come out of a book – you can try and look
But they came out of your mind.
You made them up.
I made them up.
Did you know?